


You're Still You

by DeltaS



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 11:17:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7842814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeltaS/pseuds/DeltaS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post Endgame. Chakotay and Janeway meet up at his promotion party after a long absence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Still You

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written and posted November 2010

~*~  
  
He knew that she knew that he knew what she knew.

Yes, Chakotay was aware that Kathryn had heard about the gradual but inevitable split between him and Seven. Harry Kim had made certain that his former captain knew and then told Chakotay that he himself had informed Admiral Janeway of the news.

Had she been surprised?

“I don’t know,” Harry had answered. “You know her – she could be an exploding asteroid underneath but cool as a lunar night on the surface. She didn’t say a word but just nodded… and walked away.”

Chakotay had made no move to contact her and far be it for her to contact him. Each of them was stubborn in his or her own way and so it was now as it always had been – it was a standoff, just like so many times when they were on _Voyager_. Except now, without the close confines of the starship, there was no need to make amends – Earth’s boundaries were much bigger than the hull of the an Intrepid class Starfleet vessel. Emotions so raw and evident within the close confines of the ship with a captive audience became diluted when submerged into the bustle of everyday life in Earth. And they were no longer on duty every hour of every day, so everyday life lacked the need for constant communication.

It wasn’t as if there had not been opportunities for them to see each other. They were invited to many of the same "must attend” Starfleet functions and even at some of the smaller get-togethers of their _Voyager_ crew. But the invisible force fields had slowly built up between them over the past couple of years and now appeared to be solidly locked in place.

He wondered if she ever remembered those good times that they had had together, when there were unspoken promises of “the best is yet to come”; when a casual touch sparked smoldering embers of emotion within each of them; when their eyes met and they could see into hidden desires.

Something quenched all of that. Had it been Seven, first with the way she became an obsession with Kathryn as Kathryn tried to revitalize the humanity in the former Borg? Was that it – was Kathryn really jealous then when he took interest in Seven, depriving Kathryn of her project?

No, Seven was just an excuse – for each of them. Kathryn claimed that Seven needed her -- indeed, Seven herself caused enough problems to demand Kathryn's constant attention. And then when he began his relationship with the tall blonde, it was his way of giving up on Kathryn. Seven was there, Kathryn was not. Seven responded to him, Kathryn ignored him. Seven needed him, Kathryn was self-suffiicent. When he finally realized that Seven had used him, it was too late to try to cross the ever-widening schism between him and Kathryn.

But he loved Kathryn. He always had and he always would. He was certain, that deep within, Kathryn still loved him. It was just plain and simple as that.

**~*~**

“Welcome to the club.”

The sound of the familiar, husky voice startled Chakotay and he swiveled his head. “Kathryn! I didn’t expect you to be here!”

“At your promotion party? Why not? It’s not every day that _Voyager_ gets a new captain. Besides, you disappeared after the ceremony today before I could get through the crowd to congratulate you.”

He turned to face her, hoping that his voice would stay calm and that the warm flush he felt would stay away from his face. “Yeah; well, you know how those things can be, and I’ve never been one for all the hoopla that goes along with rank.”

Kathryn reached up and squeezed his shoulder. “Better get used to it – it goes with the job, especially in the Alpha Quadrant. Here, you’re going to find out that most of the job is glad-handing and kissing parts of the anatomy that you would rather not kiss.”

Her comment managed to elicit a grin from him. “Is that what you’re doing nowadays?”

“It seems like it,” Kathryn sighed. “Sometimes I almost wish there a Kazon warship would suddenly appear on the horizon or even a Borg cube would come whizzing through some undetected wormhole. The people here just can’t imagine – or even _want_ to imagine – what it was like for us out there, Chakotay.”

“Miss the action, huh?” He now ventured a smile.

Her hand remained on his shoulder and she moved closer to him. “I guess sometimes it was the adrenalin surge, but there are other things that were… different. For all that we have now, I feel as if there is a black hole of emptiness that could consume me any minute, that I’ve lost meaning in my life. Does that make any sense?”

“Well, out there you had the responsibility of over a hundred and fifty lives constantly weighing on you – I would say that that would take up a lot of your time and energy. You never took responsibility lightly, Kathryn.” He reached up and took her hand off his shoulder and, without realizing it, wrapped his fingers around hers.

She intertwined her fingers with his. “But the mistakes I made. Oh, Chakotay, there were so many! I’ve told myself over and over again that second-guessing at this point is wasted energy; that what happened, happened. But I cringe at the times when people like you and Tuvok warned me of consequences, yet I rammed on through with my own bull-headed ideas. How much pain could we have been spared… how many lives could I have saved if only…”

“Shhh,” he whispered as he placed two fingers on her lips. “None of that! Like you said, hindsight isn’t going to change anything. In following your own plans, you spared any of us from having to shoulder any of the blame – you did that pretty well, too.”

Kathryn squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. “You’re right, as you are most of the time. And after all, this is your party, not a time for commiserating about my mistakes.” She looked around them. “Besides, I’m hogging all your time; there are a lot of others here who want to spend time with you. Good luck with everything, Chakotay.” She stood on her toes and quickly brushed his cheek with a kiss.

The touch of her lips rippled through him, waking a sleeping need inside him. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back towards him. “Wait, Kathryn – please don’t go.”

Multiple expressions morphed across her face, each one posing its unique question. She remained immobile as they played out their impromptu scene. Finally words made it to her lips. “How do you mean that, Chakotay?”

“The way I’ve meant it for almost eight years… the way you’ve meant it, too.”

“We can’t change what has happened.”

“No, but we can build on what has been there all along, buried beneath the rubble of our words and actions. Kathryn, no matter how our circumstances have changed, we are still the same two people that we have been all along.”

She lowered her head and shook it. “You’ve seen me do some pretty nasty things, Chakotay. I know that there have been times when you would have thrown me out the airlock yourself.”

“We both have a lot that doesn’t make us look like prizes, Kathryn. But even through those difficult times, what was it that kept either of us from going off the deep end? Our faith in one another! Look, I know that the past year, my actions would have been enough to drive you away forever. Yet here you are, tonight… here and talking with me. Why is that?”

“Because I respect you and everything that you have done to deserve this promotion.”

He brushed his fingertips across her cheek. “I think we both know that there’s more to it than that.”

She gasped at his touch. “I’ve missed you, Chakotay; I’ve missed… us. I miss our time together, our sharing of the day together, our working together. I miss you by my side.”

He gently pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “We both know that with our responsibilities now, we can’t ever be together the way it used to be. Unless…”

“Yes?” she smirked.

“Unless this,” he smiled back, pulling her into him.

Their arms wrapped around each other, oblivious to the two hundred people in the room with them who gawked at the unfolding scene with growing glee. They sealed their long-buried promise with a kiss with enough heat to melt a polar cap.

As their embrace finally broke, they were brought back to reality by the round of applause that greeted them. Then, without saying a word, they nodded their acknowledgment and quickly exited, their arms still wrapped around each other.

  
~ the end ~

 


End file.
